About Me

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Well, where do I start? I could start at many stages in my life; all very exciting and adventurous in some sort of way. Probably best to start when I met my husband 10 years ago, as this was the turning point in my very emotional and dramatic life. Met Ben through work, we had a wonderful life together, very ambitious, career driven until we decided to started a family 4 years later. The fertility Journey did take 2 years to conceive but we got there eventually and conceived little Thomas, now for someone like me who has no patience what so ever this was a agonizing and stressful wait but well worth it. We moved from our home town Bournemouth to Ipswich with Ben's work, I gave up my careern and then married in Cumbria in 2009. We continued to have 2 more children very easily compared to Thomas, Jesiica and Baby Wilson.
One of the main reasons I have set up this blog is to gather advice and information on how I can be guided through my Journey into Christianity. "We need others around us who know Jesus. Who want God to influence their lives", "The Spiritual Starter Kit" Lesson # 5 - The value of other believers.
I am not perfect nor do I want to be, I am not here to change the world, or the way people think. I am just here to be happy and put the past behind me, wash away all the pain and view the world differently to the way I see it today. I want to be happy in no matter what I do, feel completeness and at peace with the world and admire all the beautiful things it has to offer me, my family and all my beautiful friends. I know this can happen it is just a matter of believing!


Please, I urge you to join my site and welcome any thoughts you may have or advice that will help me on my way! This site would not work without your input. Please note I am dyslexic, so, if anyone wishes to volunteer to edit my posts, by all means feel free.




Tuesday 6 March 2012

Baggage and Blockages

What can I say, I am totally freaked. I am a person who is always prepared for anything. Tonight however I was totally unprepared, freaked out and in shock. I may actually spend the whole week in shock.
I am doing the Lent Course (Mary Pytches) with my church about the above, thought it may do me some good regarding my past. I was not prepared for what and how it made me feel tonight. I feel so stupid right now as I actually had to walk out half way through doing some type of mediation, going back into your past kinda thing. I was aged seven, outside my house I was brought up in, managed to go inside, then I had stop and leave the room. Run, yes run like I do every time I run. I ran when I was 14 years old, and I am still doing it now.
Why can I not ask for help, why cannot I not stay and sort it out. What is haunting me so bad that I cannot deal with it.
Am I that messed up, surely not. There must be people out there like me who also feel very messed up not matter what they have been through.
Please God give me the wisdom and courage to ask my church and it's elders for help and guidance as I sure good do with it right now.? I do not want sympathy I just want help, I do not want someone to judge me I just want to be at peace. I am not at Peace I am an emotional wreck, I need to be strong for my beautiful children.
I feel very overwhelmed by tonight, so many things to deal with I do not know where to start?.